


Feeling Blue

by SenaCat



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Flashbacks, Gen, Guilt, The Answer, The Trial, special reference if you squint, stupid sexy rubies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-11 21:51:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16860931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenaCat/pseuds/SenaCat
Summary: A look inside Blue Pearl's thoughts during The Trial.





	Feeling Blue

**Author's Note:**

> Eventually an adjunct fic to a larger YP x BP story that will explore the feelings surrounding and following these events, as well as an introduction to some other potential Pearl fics. This is however a self-contained story and doesn’t need to be read in any specific order. Enjoy!

Pearl smiles. Her sky-blue hair hides her eyes, but her mouth says it all. Smug satisfaction. Discreet, mind you. This is a formal preceding that her Diamond was taking very seriously. But she didn’t think she’d be punished for it, oh no. She reaches in front of her to draw two very deliberate lines, crossing out the picture she’d made presenting the disgustingly malformed face of the traitor. Not very proper for a court record, but it seemed appropriate for one about to be shattered for war crimes of this magnitude. She actually felt sorry for the Zircon assigned to defend Rose Quartz. But not for Rose Quartz herself, and not for the rebellion.

She remembers too well the day everything changed. Many do, but not as vividly as she does, even though it was so long ago…

 

It comes in waves, unrelenting. An almost physical force battering at your very being as Blue Diamond’s emotions burst forth. It started with disbelief and suspicion. The messenger rightfully in fear for her life as she gave her Diamond the unthinkable news. Pink Diamond had been shattered by the rebel leader, the hated Rose Quartz.

Many Gems felt it that day, but a Pearl felt it most of all. Remaining by her Diamond’s side, as is proper. She’s always been there, always the nearest. As the unwillingness to believe started to fade, the sharp stab of shock hit. Pearl didn't hear any of the rest. But she did not have to. She collapses as it feels like a blade stabbing through the pearl on her own chest, curling in on herself to try and escape the overwhelming force sweeping through the court. Being shattered would have been a mercy compared to this.

Her eyes flood with her Diamond’s tears, making her bangs damp as a puddle slowly forms under her. She’s vividly aware of a keening sound, the deafening cry blending in with the already unbearably crushing emotional force. Is it hers? She can’t tell what she’s feeling anymore, almost as if her entire sense of self is swept away.

But no. One small spot remains. It’s the only thing she has to herself, and she clings to it. At first it’s her own horrifying realization. But then it turns to anger and betrayal. _That_ one was involved in this. And maybe even others like her. And Pearl helped. She helped. She risked her own existence to spread the events of that day, to inspire her sisters. And this is what came of it.

 

Pearl knows what happened. She has every detail, every movement perfectly preserved. And it lets her escape into the recent past. She’d not believed the hushed whispers, at the time. When no one thought she heard, or didn’t care. No one cares about a Pearl unless they need her. But… They did care about this one. And when she appeared, there was a silence.

The leader of the rebellion came into view, an imposing force on her own. Rose Quartz issued a loud declaration of defiance at Blue Diamond and her assembled Court before charging into the midst of the crowd. But that wasn’t the most surprising thing for Pearl. It was the other figure with Rose Quartz. An unmistakable one.

She was slender. Tall, although diminutive compared to whom she was with. The facial features were obvious as well. What didn’t fit were the pair of dangerous looking swords, one in each hand. She was armed, and looked like she had no qualms with using them.

This was her then. The terrifying renegade Pearl. She was real.

What happened next was largely a blur as Blue Diamond’s palanquin automatically went into a defensive mode, shuttering closed and moving on nimble legs to get out of danger. But Pearl was still able to see some of what was happening as she held on and caught clear angles through the latticework. She wouldn’t have believed it if it wasn’t there before her. The near effortless ease as the renegade’s gleaming blades cut through guards, Agates and Quartzes alike. The Ruby fusion hardly even seemed worthy of their time. The way she worked in tandem with Rose Quartz. They fought as equals. A warrior and a servant on the same level. It was terrifying yes, but awe inspiring as well. A Pearl could do this?

She wouldn’t dare have said anything of the sort, but she’d been at least morbidly curious about the rebellion for the Earth. And these whispers of the renegade. And there was a brief and quickly suppressed feeling of disappointment as she heard one of her Diamond’s Sapphires foretell of the fall of the resistance, that very day. Moments before the attack.

She supposes it’s only right, after all. The Diamonds know what’s best, and it’s not for those under them to question their authority. Especially not a Pearl.

But even with the disgraceful display of the Sapphire and a Ruby guard fusing, and the scandal of their fleeing immediately after, she couldn’t get the fight out of her mind. And the record she had made was desperate to be told, no matter how hard she tried to repress it. It was insane. The idea of being sympathetic to the rebels was treasonous enough, to actually spread seditious information was nearly unthinkable.

Nearly.

It was several years later when she finally worked up the courage. A Morganite was meeting with Blue Diamond, along with several other dignitaries. Naturally, each brought their own Pearls with them. Oddly however, whatever the session was about, even they weren’t to be admitted. Rarely do Pearls have a chance to be alone with others of their kind. Other than the guards at the door, but they didn’t care. Either they didn’t think it worth their time, or they were amused at the silly Pearls acting like they were actual Gems.

Which was just fine by them.

Among Pearls, there are certain customs, greetings and farewells. A small bit of culture and belonging they were able to have to themselves. She decided that this was the time. She actually knew Morganite’s Pearl, although not well. A brief meeting here and there. But more than most, other than her interactions with the Pearls of the other Diamonds. She slowly made her way to the salmon colored Pearl and gave a nod of greeting, followed by a very brief brush of fingers. In an anxious and near silent voice, even more quiet and timid than usual, she stated her intent. All the other Pearl had to do was say no. They’d separate and move on like nothing happened.

There was a pause of indecision, then agreement. Quickly and discreetly she showed a small projection of the scene. The determination, the fierceness. The _arrogant_ look on the face of the terrifying renegade. That scandalous mixed fusion almost was an afterthought, even if she did seem to catch the salmon-colored’s eye. The display elicited a gasp of surprise, which was quickly forced down and replaced with a look of barely hidden awe. Was this real? When did this happen? The image was cut as they went back to like nothing had happened. Pearl merely nods once. It had. And the implications were bigger than any of them could comprehend.

Over time this story was spread, one at a time. It took some time, but it eventually even made it off planet. Each Pearl only ever told one other, it becoming an unspoken rule. They would only tell the one that they trusted the most. And it was never traced.

But that was a mistake. Sometimes, rarely, a Pearl would take that inspiration and run with it. It could never be proven, and it was never certain if she had escaped, or if something had just happened to her one day. And her replacement wouldn’t be able to offer any sort of explanation. These things happened, but now there was always that question. Was she shattered, or did she escape?

Pearl manages to cling to these thoughts. Any bit of support and comfort that was provided by a new traitorous Gem to the rebellion was one extra little step that had let them become stronger. To finally do the unthinkable, the inconceivable. To shatter a Diamond. Pink Diamond’s shards were on her delicate hands, however slight. And now she could feel the results bearing down upon her. But there’s nothing she can do but ride out the storm. Her Diamond’s sorrows, and her own anger and guilt.

 

Pearl brings herself back out of those memories and back to the task at hand, and the pitiful attempts at trying to defend Rose. But now a small bit of justice could be served. If only the traitorous Pearl was also here on trial, it would have been perfect. Regretfully, procedure did dictate a recess before the trial could close and the sentence could be carried out. But it didn’t matter. It didn’t sound like the Earth would even exist much longer, and that would solve all of it. Good riddance.

Although… When the trial resumed, the tone had shifted. The once floundering defending Zircon had suddenly found her second wind, and started bringing up surprisingly valid points. But clearly they couldn’t matter, even if the officiating Diamonds were becoming agitated. Then a simple statement from the defence cuts through Pearl's confidence, through the reassurances she had slowly built up over the time since then. One that leaves her frozen in place. Yellow Diamond's Pearl's jaw drops open with a wide eyed look of disbelief before quickly turning to her fellow Pearl with an expression of concern. But it goes unnoticed. All Pearl hears is that one condemning sentence echoing in her mind.

 

“And where was her _Pearl?_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Bottom Notes: As a side note, this is my first SU fic I ever wrote, originally posted in rough form on Tumblr June 13th 2017. Yeah, it’s taken me this long. All the special thanks go to [Fangirl_on_a_bicycle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirl_on_a_bicycle) and [SadieIRL](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieIRL) for running the 18+ Fanfic panel at Beach City Con 2018 to finally get me inspired again, [Kirby](http://lapisbitch.tumblr.com) for being at that panel and apparently having been one of the few folks on Tumblr to have actually looked at it, encouraging me to return to it and also possibly inspiring some future naughty Pearls, my sis from another miss Natalie for being way better at writing than I am and reading over for me, and all my other friends for putting up with me.  
> And of course I need to thank Rebecca Sugar and the whole Crewniverse. It’s a pleasure to be part of your universe.


End file.
